The most precious thing I can give ...

... is time. Every day I realize how precious the moments that make up life are - my family and friends make demands on it and of course my work requires a fair share of it and of course I want some for myself to be selfish in.

There was a time when money was the hardest thing to give away but today, its time. We are a society driven consciously or subconsciously with a desire to do what we want in the time we have. Parents travel at the cost of the time with kids, people give gifts to substitute their time. The world today is slowly becoming a place where we ask people around us to take a back seat for things that we consider more important - work, TV, games .. the list goes on.

I am guilty of all the above. When my child comes and asks me for something while I am trying to get my work done, I barely pay attention. I mechanically nod and answer while I continue with my job which I should have shut down 2 hours back. I'm watching a movie and my kid comes over and asks a question to which I respond hastily and if the questions persist, I quickly pull him up on the couch with me and ask him to watch the movie. Thankfully I like "G" rated movies. :-).

I have become more conscious about these subconscious responses of mine. I am blessed with children who don't hesitate to speak their mind. My 6 year old doesn't think twice about telling me "Mom, you never listen when I have to say something" which of course triggers all my "guilt hormones" and the next 10 minutes are dedicated to my child. The good thing about me reacting this way is that while initially it was triggered by guilt, I realized it is getting easier for me to focus on what he has to say. I realize that I am blessed that my children can talk to me the way they do. I can't say I like listening to it because of course I don't want to be anything short of perfect and in lieu thereof, no one should tell me I am not.

My children will grow up and be gone. If I don't build my relationship with them, I won't have anything later. My friends will fade away if I don't take the time to let them know how special they are or if I am not there for them when they need me. The times I could enjoy bringing up the kids with my husband will go and we will not be able to share much as time goes by. Work will always be there and we are not indispensable. Movies and shows I could watch any time. Then shouldn't I be giving the most precious thing I have to people whom I care about the most ?

If you want to make good use of your time, you’ve got to know what’s most important and then give it all you’ve got.

--- Lee Iacocca

Socializing is stressful

All around us we find people who seem to have an easy time getting along with others. We see the laugh and joke and talk about a million things. If you see me around my friends, that's exactly how I would look to you.  I love being around my friends and enjoy people for most part.
When my son was diagnosed with autism and I was told that he was a loner and would probably never have a lot of friends, I was heartbroken. I couldn't imagine him going through life without friends.
I was asked to go to a social business meeting. The people in the meeting were folks I dealt with in the normal course of my work. I knew them by name and I was respected for my work. In spite of this, I felt really uncomfortable. I did not know these people for who they were and vice-versa. My conversations and smiles were an act put on. The discomfort I felt was stifling. I felt trapped. The hour and half I was in this social gathering was hard. The people were nice but the discomfort I felt at being forced to socialize was tiring. I was exhausted by the time I left and had a headache.
For the first time it actually hit me what my son went through. How hard it was for him to deal with all the social pressures and to come out of his comfort zone. As he grows, he is dealing well with all the social nuances. His school/teachers provide him with strategies to cope and he is handling it beautifully. I'm seeing him blossom and loving it.
Today when I see someone having a hard time fitting in or being shy, I go out of my way to include them. As I have done that, I have found myself gaining confidence in social situations and being able to deal better. While its still a huge deal for me to be among people I barely know, I am learning to be more comfortable with myself and them. In helping others, I am learning, I am helping myself most of all.

I'm fat

That is one of the most common statements I hear from teenage girls and a lot of other women around me. Airbrushed, anorexic images of models have flooded the media and that has become a new standard.  What makes being skinny more attractive than not. I've noticed that the clothes have become geared towards all bones and no flesh kind of bodies. They don't seem to fit correctly for most part and that makes one feel dowdy, fat and unattractive which feeds into the already poor self image that is being encouraged.

It is not necessary that all the clothes one wears should cling to the body to be attractive. I was looking at older pictures of how people dressed and the flowing skirts and dresses are pretty attractive. I'm not talking about the Victorian dresses that you couldn't get into without assistance but just regular clothes of the 1950s etc. Wearing regular classic for jeans are as attractive or if not more on most people than the skinny jeans being promoted. I've heard folks call the high waist jeans "mom" jeans. The practical aspect of it is if you buy a decent fit, you don't have the rolls jiggling about as it does on the low rise one and I would think these jiggling rolls is what makes one feel unattractive.

Its so important to dress the way that suits ones body frame, life style and personality. It will not only make a person feel more comfortable but will also promote the feeling of feeling good and contentment because one does not have to be a size 0 all the time.

If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.  

~Albert Einstein

Just do it

Nike got it and promoted it. Now its up to us to use it and live it. We go through life thinking about all the options we have and all that we want to do and never do it. I am not even talking about the bigger aspirations about making millions of dollars or saving the world. I'm talking about basic everyday things.
A friend was having a hard time at work. The boss was mean and disliked by peers and subordinates alike for her inconsiderate approach at work. However, no one wanted to step and file a formal complaint so action could be taken. Several students quietly endured ragging[hazing] to the point that someone eventually got badly injured, instead of speaking up about the atrocities done in the name of fun and getting to know the new students. Of course everybody talked about it with righteous indignation.
Follow Nike's tagline - Just do it. Unless your action renders you in a position of not being able to put food on the table for your family, just do it! Step up and stand for what you believe in. Prepare yourself in life to be able to do that. It is the biggest success you can have in life. No amount of money will give you the sense of freedom and contentment that standing by your principles and standing by what is right can bring. You can be your own boss even when working for someone else.
 Save some of your money for that bright day where you were let go because you stood up for something. It will give you confidence and the rush you feel when you do what is right is satisfying and addictive. Do something to make life better for at least one person in your life that's not your family.

JUST DO IT

"Because I said so"

I grew up in an environment where "Because I told you so" was the answer to a lot of my "Why?"s. Since I believe I am a decent enough human being, I decided that was the perfect approach to bringing up my own children. My older one who has Asperger's constantly heard me saying that. After all I was him Mom and what I said was from all the things I have learnt in life and that is good enough for him to blindly obey. I would of course never do anything that would harm him. I am his mother after all!
I threatened and cajoled Sam into doing a lot of things. As he grew up, he grew more defiant. I was puzzled and ashamed. I must be a really bad parent if I could not make my kid listen to me. While my self esteem as a parent went downhill, my obsession with making Sam do what I said steadily climbed up.
Sam didn't talk till he was in first grade so the lack of feedback didn't help much either. He started the Asperger's program in second grade and had an extremely competent teacher who made it her business to make the children succeed. In the years that she was his teacher, she was my teacher too. As she shared her thoughts and concerns and hopes, I learnt. I was like a sponge because here was something that made sense. She didn't tell me I didn't know how to take care of my child but she did talk to me about various ways how kids think and how important it was to respect their thoughts and feelings. I never thought of the word respect when I thought of children. To me children were to be loved. I didn't think of associating the show of respect with the show of love.
As I learnt, I learned to swallow my pride and ask Sam to do things and explain why I asked him to. So now when I said "Sam, do your homework" and he looked at me, I elaborated further with "Once it gets done, you will have more time to play". That made logical sense to him. My child who thinks in "black and white", "no and yes" and for whom life is a logical puzzle, it is easier when he can fathom the whys of some request. To him, be honest doesn't have any circumstances surrounding it. Honesty means just that - speaking the truth at all times. You don't say "You look great" when someone doesn't just because it would hurt their feeling.
I was blessed with my second child and he was lucky that I had learnt the "Because I said so" was not the best way to teach the child to do right. I put in a lot of effort to change my thought process to accommodate this simple concept but it is totally worth it. Today i sometimes hear "Gosh, my mom shouts so loudly" instead of the quiet ignoring I used to get. I love it and it helps me to grow a bit when I have to swallow my ego and calm down. It definitely has "forced" me to be a better person. :) Mel Lazarus said it best in his comic strip -

"The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent."