Does love really mean not having to say you are sorry

"Love means never having to say you are sorry" from Eric Segal's book "Love Story" and also made famous by the movie of the same name based on book. I'd read this book in high school and that line made me extremely happy. To me it meant that if I loved someone, I didn't need to be courteous to them. I could  speak to them the way I want and say what I want and it was all right. Life was good.

Then I watched "What's up doc" and the movie's ending had the Barbara Streisand's character say the same thing and the response was "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard". That was a slap in the face. It meant I had to shape up.

After I got married, I lived on the principle of "not having to say I'm sorry" and I was okay but I can't say the same about my poor husband. I think I am truly blessed that he has the ability to filter everything I say and do. When I think back, I don't think I would have put up with what I shelled out. Thank God for people in my life who were too sensible to take what I dished out and showed me how dumb my attitude was. But really, it took a movie to make me realise what a dumb attitude it was. One does tend to take the wisdom of people close to them for granted [my kind way of saying I ignored them].

I realize today how important it is to treat the people we love in the best way possible. Being comfortable and loving someone doesn't mean taking them for granted. Loving someone means appreciating what a huge blessing it is in our lives to have someone like that. Today I think we need to put in extra effort to be extra nice to these special people who know us so well and love us anyway.

This year my Lenten abstinence is to not get angry over little things with people who forgive me so easily. Beleive me its harder than it sounds because I'm a perfectionist and I know exactly how things need to be done. Doesn't mean it is, but I believe it is and thats what's important right?? Okay, okay. I know. I'm getting off my high horse and admitting I need to change. Lets set the example for change for the better.

Don't flatter yourself that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates. The nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become.

    - Oliver Wendell Holmes

What do you really know about others

I was reading Agatha Christie's "A Caribbean Mystery". I thoroughly enjoy her books and I think that she writes the best murder mystery stories. :) There was a line there that Miss Marple [the detective] said that caught my attention - "We only know about people what they tell us".

That got me thinking about how important it is to surround ourselves with people who are trustworthy. We really don't know anything about how they think, what they do, how they would react to things. We make educated guesses and assumptions but do we REALLY know. The thought makes me feel like I'm living in some kind of a suspense movie. :)

The point is, we need to make the effort to understand the people we care about. We will never be able to know everything about them and that's why we need to use our God given intuition as well. One very important reason in my mind for doing this is to make sure that we are not swayed by gossip and other people's opinion about the people we love. No one is perfect. Everybody has their ideas on what a good friend is. People form opinions without having anything to back it up and there is always that danger that when we meet someone, our mind is already made up because of things we have heard.After all, it takes all kinds to make the world interesting.

I don't know who wrote this poem. Its one of the most sensible one I have read on relationships -

Life is a theater so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a FRONT ROW seat in our lives.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships and family!
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.
Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are just going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.
The more you seek God and the things of God, the more you seek quality, the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God, the more you seek things honorable, the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.
You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around!
Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the FRONT ROW of your life.
Remember that FRONT ROW seats are for special and deserving people and those who sit in your FRONT ROW should be chosen carefully.
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW

Sibling rivalry

Here is a conversation that took place in my house -
Mark - Sam, I am named after one of the Gospels and you are named after one too
Sam - I have 2 books in the Bible named after me. You just have one.
My competitive 6yr old responds - My name is John. I have 4 books named after me. My name's not really Mark you know.

I often think about competition and how healthy it is. I've seen and experienced comparisons by parents and have heard so much of "If your brother can do this, why can't you" or "Look at her, she's so well behaved", "Do you have to laugh so loudly, learn some poise form your sister". There were things in which I had the upper hand so of course they got this too. But as I grew, I realized I resented the comparisons.

I've seen a lot of siblings fall apart because of these constant naggings. I don't think the comments need to be external. Unhealthy competition between friends have the same fall out. The resentment and the jealousy just keeps growing.

So is all competition unhealthy. I'd answer with the teenage chant of "No way!". Sports, academics and a healthy attitude of I need to be better than X can help us better ourselves and also is the motivation to get ahead. I don't think the world would have seen all the cool inventions that have changed our lives if it weren't for someone competing to do better. The important thing is that we don't lose our self esteem or stop loving the simple things in life to get ahead.
  
"The pressure people put on themselves and the rivalry between the teams is much more marked. And I think that's a good thing. As long as that rivalry remains within the spirit of competition, it con only spur everyone on."Eric Cantona

Does watching movies help us in any way ?

I was watching the movie "Waqt" which is a typical hindi movie drama. I had my children sitting with me and watching it. They were not too pleased because they preferred to play Wii. Since we have only one TV, they came over to ask me to play and I asked them to wait  and they happened to sit next to me and watched it. I watched the expressions on their faces during the movie and realised that movies triggered different emotions.

In life, we are not always prepared for all the situations we will be thrown into. Sometimes the hypothetical situations we watch, help our brain to trigger thoughts in the background on how we would handle those incidents. We think about the responses of the characters and judge and think of how things could have been done better. I think these mental exercises do help us prepare for the life's marathon just like running on the treadmill is often how runners prepare for a marathon.

So a movie a week might just help us face life with confidence :)

Friends

I am blessed with wonderful friends. I have been sick for more than a week now and I'm a generally healthy person. This is the first time in years that I have not been able to push myself to provide wholesome meals for the family and have just remained curled up on the sofa falling asleep.
None of my friends had seen me since our pastor was out of town and we didn't have mass the week before. One of my neighbors who works with one of my friends, mentioned I looked terrible and she decided I needed to be fed. That evening she turned up with food and told me in no uncertain terms that I need to just sit tight and let the house be a mess and let her know what I needed. :)
Another person just showed up at my door with some food and another one turned up with a whole lot of food. I'm feeling much better and no one really knew I was in a bad shape.
It got me thinking on how fortunate I was. I have people in my life who really care about me. Even when my friends were not aware of how sick I was, I knew in my heart that if I really needed something, I just had to pick the phone and call and I'm sure they would do whatever needed. Its a good feeling. I don't have any family close to where I live but these people have become my family. Some of them have become closer than even family.
Be a friend. Live life by the golden rule - Do unto others as you would want them to do to you. I have to Thank God for my friends from various times in my life - from my infancy to my adult life. I feel I am among the luckiest persons in the world because of the blessing of friendship.

The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.
Hubert H. Humphrey